For example, yesterday, I thought I had finally nailed this whole “life with an infant” thing. Baby girl was super smiley and happy. She napped plenty-giving me time to exercise, eat actual meals, and get stuff done around the house.
It was a great feeling. I was finally doing something right! I figured out how to properly soothe her to sleep. I figured out the difference in her cried from wanting to nurse vs wanting to just be held and rocked. I pretty much nailed it.
Then today happened. She cried.. A lot. I tried everything I could to soothe her…nursing-NO, rocking-NO, walking around -NO, burp her-NO, change her diaper -NO. I quickly realized that I don’t have a foolproof method to having a constantly content and happy baby girl. Sometimes, it’s just out of my control.
I’m very fortunate that her “normal” temperament is typically pretty chill and content, but it’s not attributed to anything I’m doing “better” than the next mom.
Also, sometimes I have bad days. Days when I’m more tired than usual, days when I’m just feeling cranky. Eleanor is allowed to have days like that too, but I still want to help comfort her in any way that I can.
I can do everything in my power to be there for her and try to make things better, but I’m learning more and more to lean on the Lord’s strength during those days when nothing I do helps. There are plenty of times when I’m also exhausted and my patience is being tested more than it ever has been before. Giving it to Him helps to change my perspective from myself and my preferences to loving and caring for this little girl I’ve been blessed to call my daughter. I hope that as she grows, she will know and experience the love of Christ -but also that she will be filled with the capacity to love with gentleness and patience as he transforms her heart as well.
I am the farthest thing from a perfect mother, but I hope to always fix my eyes on the Perfect one, and to point Eleanor to Him as well.