“We meet no ordinary people in our lives.” - C.S. Lewis
I am often reminded of the limitations in my own mind and heart. I think a lot about "how far I've come" until I fall right back into what's comfortable, which is often behaviors that are destructive and hurtful to others.
I've failed as a friend, sister, daughter, and wife.
I've hurt others intentionally and unintentionally.
I've been hurt by my friends, siblings, parents, and husband.
I've played games to let them "earn" my forgiveness.
I've pushed people away and refused to forgive them.
I describe others and my experiences with them based on just that--my own experiences (paired with my own opinions and assumptions).
I will admit that when I have a falling out with someone, I want affirmation that I was right and they were wrong.
I will offer forgiveness (internally or externally), but will find myself experiencing days filled with resentment towards that person.
I will exhaust your capacity to listen to someone vent.
I will innocently share my testimony while still missing the point---I will spend more time comparing who I WAS with THEM--whoever the characters in my story may be, instead of focusing on Christ and the great love and grace he has to offer. Also, forgetting that God's grace and love is intended for THEM as well, not just for me and who I may be talking to---so if my testimony spends more time explaining the "crowd I used to run with" instead of my own heart and the change that took place, there's a problem.
So, what is the point of this post?
I guess it's to say that relationships are messy. I haven't figured out how to be the perfect friend, sister, daughter, and wife. I will fail you. I also haven't figured out how to perfectly give you grace and forgiveness when you fail me. But that's the beauty in it, right? We aren't perfect, but we serve a Perfect God that shows us mercy and forgiveness perfectly. I'm so thankful to follow and seek One who doesn't have limitations and is able to open my mind to my own little by little each day. I am thankful for His Spirit that takes my selfish, insecure, and jealous heart, and fills it with love, grace, and mercy---no matter how many times I stray.